I have been sick! I need lots of sympathy. I could not decide if it was Ebola, some new and deadly virus or worst of all….MANFLU!
I decided on 18th March 2013 that I would stop drinking alcohol. When I got serious about recovering from depression, I stopped drinking for 10 months. One would think there would be a clue in there for me! But I am not a person who quits easily and so this was not the end of the tale of Grainne and problem drinking.
The Small Daughter is 6. The Big Daughter is 15. Both have taught me many. many things. They are beautiful souls and I am grateful every day for them. I hope I can teach them half of what they have taught me.
Sunday evening and the pursuit of happiness.
I have spent a spectacular thirty minutes or so on my PhD this weekend! I did however mail The Professor my results from our latest analysis which we will discuss on Tuesday so that at least is progress and it is moving. The book fared better. It has seen 1500 words added this weekend so I am pleased with that.
It’s difficult for me to identify the start, the middle, the end of my journey into, through and out of depression. The start I am sure is rooted in the DNA determined before I was even born, in the way my life was when I was young, in how I, Grainne, interpreted all the things that happened, or that didn’t. The middle is roughly the sum total of the experiences I have had from childhood, and there is no end. Our mental health journey continues as long as we do, and its legacy is around for generations to come.
Yesterday I ran into my ex. It was random. He broke my heart 3 months ago and I am over it. It was a short relationship. It lasted 6 months. It was however the first relationship I have had in recovery, and since I started living a sober life, so it was a big deal to me. It was happy and it was full of love and kindness. Then we had a bad week and he left. And it was apparently over. It hurt. A lot. I didn’t see it coming and I wasn’t involved in the decision. In retrospect I believe we fell in love and didn’t stop to look at how incompatible we are. He has an active night life that involves bands and being a dj and spending a lot of time in bars. I am in recovery and like to be at home in front of the fire with my girls, reading, studying, writing, gardening and trying to cook. I hate bars. I can’t be myself in them, and I have strong thoughts about being in places where I can’t be myself. He got there faster than I did in realising it wouldn’t work and he was right.